How do you choose a family? This is such a great question but it does not work the same way for every family/surrogate. This answer is only based on my personal experience and does not reflect on surrogacy experiences as a whole. The ultimate beginning goal for either intended parents (IP's) or surrogates is to find a match. Matching can take several weeks to several months or longer all depending on what the IP's or surrogates are looking for.
Income has a factor on what type of experience you will have with finding the right match. Lower budget families may decide to build their profile online listing their desires for their ideal surrogate. They will sometimes post their life story of infertility and tell a little about what type of person they are wanting to share their experience with. From there on they will talk to surrogates who will respond to their profile and that will continue until they decide who fits best with them. It almost works the same with higher budget families only they typically go through an agency who acts as a mediator/matchmaker. An agency will direct them to profiles that best fit what they are looking for so they are not going through the matching process alone.
We chose to go through an agency. We wanted to make sure all the bases were covered legally because lets face it, the internet is a scary place when it comes to putting your trust into other people! There was no way I was going to risk the safety of myself and my family. As we were researching being surrogate parents I started an online profile just to get some questions answered from experienced surrogates. While asking questions there were so many IP's trying to get me to match with them, drive 15 hours to see them, send them personal information, and because of all that there was no way I was doing this alone. Being with an agency for us has been extremely helpful! They have been so wonderful to us, answering all of our questions, matching us quickly, and treating us with respect. As a surrogate I reviewed one profile, the family I am matched with now, and it immediately felt right. We were accepted by our agency, reviewed one profile, met our IP's, and matched with them all in one month! It took a couple weeks for the agency to go through our application and accept us then only a couple of weeks to get matched. Whoa! That was as simple and quick as I could have ever imagined it being. Our experience with matching was absolutely wonderful!
The best way to find a family is to know what you want out of your experience. We wrote down all the qualities we would want our IP's to have so that this journey could go as positive and wonderful as possible. I think it was more simple for us to be matched right away because of how open minded we are. We did not have a specific ethnicity, religion, or sexuality that our IP's had to have. We wanted IP's who were loving, respectful, motivated, positive, have a healthy and stable lifestyle while being financially ready to care for a child. When we officially met our IP's, other than the initial awkwardness, it was easy to talk to them and I felt good about helping them have a baby. I say awkwardness but it was more like a nervous sympathy. It has to be heartbreaking to not be able to carry your own baby and to put your trust into some other woman to care for them. I feel like that was the awkward part, to have to look this amazing woman in the eye and tell her why I would be the perfect surrogate knowing that she can not be pregnant. For IP's everywhere, I can't imagine how unbelievable it is to hear a person say they loved being pregnant when your experiences are so traumatizing. Hearing their story and even describing to them why we want to do this made me so emotional with happiness that I busted a few tears during the meeting! Embarrassing I know! Then again, it makes me realize that this is right for us and that we could not make a bigger difference in a family's life.
On a less emotional note, we are keeping our pre-screening date of August 9th! Exciting! I have no doubts that Ms. Uterus will be looking her best and that we will do great with our psychological evaluation. Also, I will hopefully get to spend some time with our intended mother (IM).
My mirena has officially been removed and it only makes this experience feel that much more realistic. Although Ben isn't exactly crazy about being more cautious he is being very wonderful at doing all he can to make sure everything goes perfectly with our journey and that includes not getting ourselves pregnant between now and the transfer. We have been told that the transfer date should be around the end of September! Eeeeeeekkkkkk! I can't believe it is all coming together and I have fingers crossed for the best results in Chicago!
Random Thoughts: In the process of revamping my diet and getting that on track again before this pregnancy. I do not want to gain more than 30 pounds this time around and I will be working hard at keeping my portions at a healthy level. I worked my butt off to get my weight back down and I do not want to have to work as hard next time.
Until next time (:
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